My fellow Americans, this report is addressed to you, and only to you. As a God-fearing and patriotic fellow citizen, I feel it is my duty to inform you our leadership has gone stark raving mad. Some of you will have already heard that United States leaders have passed a law to find out how much money Vladimir Putin has. Others, who may be under the impenetrable blanket of world order propaganda, may not know how U.S. taxpayers will now fund utter idiocy.
Last month something unprecedented happened. But, in the chaotic circus that is political and business policy these days, not too many people made a big deal of something called The Vladimir Putin Transparency Act. No, you are not having a delusion or an LSD flashback. The American people have elected representative to Congress who are this stupid and this crooked. This legislation defies not only logic, but everything we’ve been taught about the law.
Tax Putin – Not American Billionaires!
As I type this report, I cannot help but wonder if I should make fun of this story of moral retardation, or if I should stop typing and openly weep in front of my staff here in the office. Thinking about the countless trillions in resources that have already been expended trying to destroy Russia’s president, humor seems the most realistic course. I mean, what is Congress going to do, start taxing Putin for undeclared earnings? This is the only patriotic track I can muster for Florida Representative Val Demings and New York’s Rep. Elise M. Stefanik. Maybe their red-white-and-blue intentions are to put money back into America’s coffers by taking it from Russia’s leader?
Oh, but wait, I almost forgot. The whole House of Representatives of the United States of America already passed the law! How lucky are we, to have 435 loyal Americans hell-bent on finding out where Putin hides his gold? The act now goes to the Senate, so we may soon hear of CIA agents, and U.S. Navy Seals bursting into bank vaults, kidnapping Russian caviar dealers, and tracking down Siberian fur traders in Argentina. God knows what kind of spookage will come of this goose chase. Pardon me please. The circus America is becoming is just that nutty. Next, they’ll tell us Putin will pay Amazon’s taxes.
The “Goofy” Truth
Are these elected leaders of ours clowns? Certainly not. Why Rep. Demings hails from Florida’s 10th Congressional District, which is fittingly the home of Mickey Mouse and Disney World. I am sad to say I used to live in this magical part of America, a part which has clearly gone Goofy electing such nincompoop sellouts. Sorry. I will turn my attention to the other “genius” author of this new “Putin law” – Upcountry New York’s Elise M. Stefanik, who proclaimed before Congress:
“Putin and his political allies seek to weaken democracies worldwide by consolidating their political control through unethical means. I am proud to cosponsor this bill which aims to identify Putin and his allies for who they are: nefarious political actors undermining democracies.”
Looking at Stefanik’s record and background, it isn’t a surprise to find a huge vote of confidence sent her way by mad-dog John Bolton, who’s now Trump’s National Security Adviser. Here’s what the biggest warmonger in the Western Hemisphere had to say about the “Putin Transparency Act “ co-author:
“As part of the House Armed Services Committee, Elise Chairs the Subcommittee on Emerging Threats and Capabilities, where she is responsible for overseeing counterterrorism programs and counter-proliferation of WMD.”
Apply Russian Plywood Sanctions NOW!
WMD, WMD, somehow this nefarious item always turns up, but why? Oh, I get it. Elise M. Stefanik cut her teeth working in the George W. Bush White House too. Somehow, I just don’t see the motivation of an Albany, New York girl keying on Russia’s president without somebody influencing her. Unless Stefanik’s Dad’s plywood business is mad at Putin because of the cost of Russian birch, the best in the world, I am told. Ouch. I hope this is not the case, but maybe Putin does own stock in the world’s biggest birch plywood supplier Sveza? Nah. Premium Plywood, the Stefanik family business is a small-time operator compared to a world leader. Let’s move on to the brilliant law these goofballs have cooked up.
Reading the text of this law, I am once again faced with my childhood nightmares from black and white TV shows like The Outer Limits, Twilight Zone, and the later colored chills of Rod Serling’s Night Gallery. Let me past the intro of the law here, for effect:
“To strengthen the United States response to Russian interference by providing transparency on the corruption of Russian President Vladimir Putin.”
Proof? Who Needs Proof?
Do you get it? Our genius pillars of political and legal thought are trying to create laws on top of laws, which are based on vapor! No one has proven there was Russian interference, and no one has ever shown Vladimir Putin corrupt practices, and America’s chosen leaders blatantly draft the LAW based on conjecture. On the basis of this law, let me say this as a genuine American. Vladimir Putin would be the dumbest leader in history if he thought he needed to “undermine” the American public’s faith in our democratic process. Hell, only the most obtuse soccer mom driving her giant SUV to the nail salon even imagines her vote counts. And she has no time for the voting booth in her quest for perfect hair, shoes, smartphone chats, and daily shopping trips to Publix (for Florida voters). The last time a majority of Americans gave a damn about who won the presidency was in 1968, the year Richard Nixon won.
This “stupid” law even mentions paid “trolls” as the WMDs of Putin’s cyberwar against truth, justice, and the American way. Sorry, I am hearing the early 1960s TV show Superman in my head for some reason. Moving on, the narrative of this law dives deep into hypocrisy and lunatic ideas by pointing a crooked finger at Putin and Russia with:
“The government of Russian President 2 Vladimir Putin employs a system of corruption and 3 illicit financial ties as a tool for consolidating its domestic political control and projecting power abroad 5 to weaken other democratic countries.”
No Hypocrisy Like American Hypocrisy
I must stop here. NEO readers have already suffered enough of this. We’ve covered it all before. What we have not seen is the mind-numbing reality before us. The hopelessness of our American system and our kid dreams of doing good gone awry. These idiots have been given a license to throw trillions out the window, to cause world strife, to create endless war, and with the full approval of the people. I say this not in defense of Vladimir Putin, for he is just the catalyst for understanding how goofed up our system has become. Reading this proposed law, one cannot help but grasp the irony and shame of it all. Read this next segment and reflect for a moment on how the United States sanctions nations and their citizens into chaos like that hitting Venezuela now. These minions of darkness in our Congress accuse Putin of:
“Using the threat of cutting off gas 2 supplies as leverage over the most energy-dependent European countries.”
These silly, head wobbling political puppets drafted this! They admonish the President of the United States to twist the Russians’ arms by not “threatening” to sanction Putin or Russia but actually doing so. Do you read me? I hope so. But there’s more.
Not only does the law demand that the deep state intelligence community make a report to Congress within 6 months, but the lawmakers also allow for a “classified” section of the report on Putin assets. What this means is, if U.S. intelligence finds something that will stain these crooked lawmakers, only Congress will know about it. How plain is that? Furthermore, only committees which have already authorized the witch hunt will receive the nefarious report.
I hope my point is well made. Like most of the rest of you reading this, it would be fun to learn just how rich or poor Vladimir Putin is. Personally, I hope he is, like some say, the richest man in the world. For me, compared to the mediocre psychopaths and lizard people he’s had to fight against, he’s the only leader who truly cared about his country and his people. I believe this is well proven. But the point is, it is none of my business how much Vladimir Putin has. Furthermore, I should not have to pay so that a bunch of sellout liars can waste still more much-needed money to try and stain the man who has clearly beaten them at every turn. Trust me; I would be delighted at this point if my country could produce even one halfway decent adversary for Putin. At least then, even if we were totally and completely wrong, we could see a fair fight.
I only hope the Hollywood blockbuster will have better actors than this Congressional Mickey Mouse cartoon.
Phil Butler, is a policy investigator and analyst, a political scientist and expert on Eastern Europe, he’s an author of the recent bestseller “Putin’s Praetorians” and other books. He writes exclusively for the online magazine “New Eastern Outlook.”
